[Grumpy old man]

Beer makes you smart ...It made Bud weiser

My friend and I were at the local pub drinking the other night. I looked over and said, "Hey man, look at those two old drunk bas-ards over there. That'll be us in a few more years". He glanced over, looked at me and said "You drunk idiot, that's a mirror!"


A man walks into a bar and up to the counter. The bartender asks him, "what can I get for you today." The man replies, "I'll take three glasses of your most rare bourbon barrel aged russian imperial stout." As fast as the bartender was pouring the man was downing the beers even faster one after another. Stunned the bartender asks, "I've never seen anyone drink that fast before." "You'd drink that fast if you had what I had," said the man. "What do you have," asks the bartender. Turning around the man replies, "fifty cents."