What is a Car Guy" (or Car Girl)

[Wgesnerjr]

As a follow up to my thread on the 10 things I learned from a Frame Off Restoration,
https://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/...d.php?t=808269
I thought I would post this as well.

I wrote it many years ago with the intention of sending it into Car Craft in hope that it would get published. However, time got away from me and now the Magazine is no longer around. I found it while I was looking through an old USB drive. Thought I would share it with y'all.

25 Things you must survive to be a real “Car Guy or Car Girl”

Who is a “Car Guy or Car Gal”? Everybody knows one. They are that one person you know that lives, breathes, sleeps and dies for cars. It does not matter if it foreign or domestic, car or truck; they’re not afraid to show it. The common factor is that it’s more than transportation, personal entertainment or a hobby. It’s a genuine interest that goes beyond fascination and borders on an almost fanatic, cult-like obsession. But, they are not just born this way. It is both inherent and learned. Nature starts the ball rolling, Nurture kicks it through the uprights.

On this rite of passage, they must experience and survive a few mishaps along the way that will transform them from a casual enthusiast into a real automotive zealot. Let’s examine some of these small innocent mistakes that range from simple costly issues to sometimes life threatening tribulations.


1. At least once, lost all braking power and had to ditch off road. A+ if lost at wheel at any speed.

2. Sell a very reliable and reasonably new vehicle to buy a clapped out 20+ year old or older car with “potential”. They will try to maintain this “diamond in the rough” as daily transportation to and from work. Co-workers will find an incredible amount of amusement in his/her ongoing frustration.

3. Drive with either vice grips for a steering wheel or a milk crate as a seat. Extra credit if done either on a public road for more than two consecutive days OR on more than one occasion.

4. Totally disassemble a car for a “frame off” not taking one note or picture. Each of the parts will be thrown into random boxes and most will be thrown out during one subsequent house move. Then waiting two years or more to attempt to reassemble. Automatic FAIL if the car never goes back together; Passing with Honors if he/she uses it as justification to buy another car as a guide to reassemble the first one.

5. To aid in roll starting, they will park on a hill because the starter/battery is bad; and has been for at least a week. Can substitute reaching under the car to bang on a starter with a hammer while someone else turns the key; but only if they are lying in the rain or a puddle of oil to do so. Honorable mention if it’s on a first date and they somehow manage to secure a second date.

6. Experience an electrical fire. Sympathy points if the entire car goes up in flames like a Fiero with a leaky valve cover.

7. They have been disappointed with the quality of a JC Whittney purchase; yet continues to buy because the “price is right”.

8. They have used some, if not all, of the following products on their car; either as intended or not. (preferably not)
• Duct and electrical tape
• JB Weld
• Coat hangers
• Paper clips
• Bondo (to fix a rust hole)
• Stop leak of any kind
• Krazy Glue
• Fiberglass (on something other than a Corvette, see Bondo above)
• Octane booster
• Color tinted wax (to fix fading clear coats)
• Chrome spray paint
• Cheap Vinyl dye from Walmart
• Guaranteed to pass emissions in a can. (if applicable)

9. Kept parts for a car that he/she has sold. Extra points for acquiring parts for a car they don’t own and have no intention of buying.

10. Used air shocks, shackles to cure bad springs. Shackles can be substituted. (Most Nova owners start here)

11. Road side repair of something more than a flat. (ie: water pump, starter, full brake job.) Replacing parts in the parking lot of the junk yard or drag strip does not count. A+ if done at night using only a sense of feel, tools found in the trunk and the headlights from another car.

12. Driven a totally primered car to the body shop for painting sans lights, trim, door handles, bumpers, license plates, trim and mirrors. Honors if done wearing a snorkel mask because there is no windshield.

13. Installed a distributor 180 degrees off. No extra credit if there is a loss of eyebrows. Much like natural selection, this is supposed to happen and teaches a great lesson in regards to intake vs. exhaust stroke.

14. Borrowed a friend’s car only to break it or wreck it. Extra points if it’s a parent’s car and taken without permission; Double if, under any circumstances, it’s an in-law’s car.

15. Forgetting to put oil on the oil filter gasket or to replace the oil cap. A+ if the neighbors call the fire department.

16. They have at least one reckless driving ticket on their record.

17. Received more than 4 stitches from using the wrong tool. Extra credit if the offending tool was thrown across the garage causing additional damage.

18. Not just tasted gasoline while siphoning a tank; but able to identify the octane or brand by taste like a wine steward on a cruise ship.

19. At any time; they have enough rust in their eyes to set off the metal detectors at the airport.

20. Been shocked by an ignition wire. Honorable mention if they bang their head on the hood…or wet their pants.

21. Had a toolbox slide across the trunk and put a pimple in the quarter panel.

22. The act of eating with greasy hands no longer bothers them. Can also substitute being in a Junkyard during all types of weather. Rain, Snow, 100+ degree heat, freezing temps, Tornado, Hurricane, etc. The more extreme the better.

23. Exclusively shopped for their next project in a junkyard.

24. They have had a long standing battle to evict bugs or vermin from a project.

25. Living in constant fear that one of their neighbors will call the local police or county “clean and beautiful committee” on a project. Extra points if it results in pushing the vehicle from one side of the street to the other during alternating parking nights.

It’s a road fraught with potholes and speed bumps. However, should they keep on his path and live through some of these dramatic experiences, they will be bestowed with the public title of “Car Guy or Car Gal”. How many have you had?

[/CENTER]

[Wgesnerjr]

I personally have done or had happen to me:

1 Lost front wheel on my wagon. At 35MPH it was pretty scary. Walked about 200 yards, got tire and used 1 lug nut from each of the other rims. Jacking it up off the ground was the hard part.
2 Sold a reliable 85 Cavalier in 1991 for a 1980 Firebird Formula that barely ran. When it did, it was completely unsafe. Had to use all back roads to get to work as it was perilous to both me and the public.
3 Rode with a buddy to a junkyard to replace the steering column in his 77 Cutlass. He drove with vice grips, I rode on a milk crate. At 16 didn't even think about safety, but we did take the T-Tops off. Had to look cool.
5 VW Baja Bug. 'nuff said.
8 On a high schooler's budget (essentially: diddly over squat) used most of these except "Emissions pass in a can". Alabama did not require, but if they did, probably would have used it.
9 Still have second gen Firebird parts, 26 years after selling.
11 Oh, boy. How many times have I done this? Can't count. At this point I consider it a challenge.
12 Yes, drove my wagon to paint with no trim or side windows, but had windshield. Worked with a guy at YearOne that drove with no windshield and goggles for a week until he got paid to buy a new windshield.
14 Didn't borrow but offered to fix my future in-laws 84 Pontiac 6000. Everything was fine until the distributor fell apart as the cap was the only thing holding it together. Somehow I still married my wife.
16 One. Dropped from Racing to Reckless. Good thing as Racing was automatic license suspension.
17 Several times. Still looking for a pair of pliers.
19 Went to eye doctor for debris left eye, she found more in the right eye I didn't even know about.
20 Isn't this the way you test plug wires?
21 Using my Dad's 74 Datsun pick up. one night put multiple pimples in the bed sides. @$$ whooping commenced the following morning.
22 Junkyard in all the listed weather. That's commitment.
24 Ants! I hate ants!!!

[Keith Seymore]

Well done, you. Who woulda thunk there would come a day when we wouldn't have print magazines to submit this stuff to.



For being the "consummate car guy" (by "birth, training, profession and preference" - I like to say) I missed out on a few of those.

No

#4 - I've always been pretty anal about how I take things apart. Even more so now that I don't know if it will be me putting it back together. I take lots of notes and photos in case that befalls to my youngest son.

#14 & 15 - nope.

#16 - no reckless, but I did go through a string of "16mph over" speeding tickets for a while there. I have the bad habit of accelerating briskly to over the speed limit and then coasting back down. (well - I used to).

Here now, the summary:

1 - yes (lost brakes - twice - same car, same driving season. I can explain...)

2 - Yes - except I restored it and drove DURING and once it was DONE.

3 - Milk Crate

5,6 (plus fuel fire; singed my engine builder's eyebrows off), 7,8 - yep

9 - I have friends that have been known to a acquire a part, like a steering wheel, and then build a complete vehicle to complement it.

10 & 11 - yep

12 - I did this:









Drove the cab and frame with no box on it for a week. It didn't stop too well, especially if the pavement was wet.

Bonus points - I just got the trailer back from the same paint shop (minus the lights, of course).

17 thru 20 - yep

21 - UGH! I hate that (two different collector cars had this happen)

23, 24 - yep.

Not a bad score, I guess

K

[Keith Seymore]

25 - nope - not as long as I live next door to this guy:

[Keith Seymore]

Originally Posted by Keith Seymore

6 (plus fuel fire; singed my engine builder's eyebrows off

He was super excited to show me his new helmet, too:

[67ChevyRedneck]

1. Lost front braking on my C10 when an old rubber line popped.

2. No, but for many years my daily was a rusted out clap box that broke often.

3. Yes, but only at slow speeds around the yard.

4. Nope, all of my cars have made it back together at one point or another.

5. Absolutely, many times.

6. Had a few smokers I've yanked the battery or a fuse on, but thankfully no fires.

7. Never purchased anything from JC Whitney.

8. Unfortunately yes to most of those...

9. Yes, but I'm getting better though. I finally got rid of the last S10 parts for a truck I sold like 8 years ago.

10. Never.

11. A couple times, nothing major. Alternators have left me stranded a few times but easy enough to swap road-side.

12. Nope.

13. Done this more times than I care to admit.

14. Unfortunately yes, but only once. My uncle let me borrow his 1986 Toyota truck in like 2002. It had somewhere around 220K on it and never had the timing chain done... I went to start it (ironically at a parts store as I had just bought parts to fix my truck) and I heard pop... whirrrrrrrrr. Timing chain broke, zero interference motor... no bueno...

15. Not that I can recall.

16. Nope.

17. Nope.

18. Yes and No.

19. Being from NY, most likely, yes.

20. Yep.

21. Ugh, not a quarter panel but my stepside bed and it was a jack, not a tool box. I had recently painted it too.

22. Correct.

23. Never.

24. No.

25. No, but my dad was ordered by the county to remove 50+ junk cars (they were all out in the woods completely out of public view, but someone raised a stink and my dad works for the county... so he had to kiss butt.) Most of the cars were crap. 80's/90's rusty NY cars family members that were "done with" that became a family "parts yard."

[70STOVEBOLT]

1. Bought '66 Impala convertible in HS, guy says "watch the brakes, they'll throw you through the windshield". True, once master cylinder was filled and brakes bled...
1A Later lost the left front wheel on the same car due to a bad wheel bearing. Luckily, it was low speed.
4. My current truck. Didn't lose any parts in a move though.
5. Technically, it was my best friend's car. '74 Super Beetle, bad ignition switch. Power with key on, but nothing when key twisted. Push started it everywhere we went.
6. My current truck. The TH400 kickdown solenoid must have stuck, wire smoked and melted when I hooked it up. Removed it very quickly, no other damage.
7. Back in HS. Triple gauge panel. They were really small, but looked a lot bigger in the catalog. No dimensions were listed.
8. Probably about half of them.
9. Still have parts from my '74 Camaro that I had in HS. That was mid 80's.
10. Shackles, on the same Camaro.
11. Multiple times, u-joint, alternator, fuel pump, etc.
13. On above Camaro, after intstalling a "3/4" cam.
14. Borrowed my BIL's truck to pick up a refrigerator, and oil psi went to zero, started hammering. He retrieved it, took the oil pan off and cleaned the pickup screen, drove it for many years.
17. Not technically the wrong tool, just a slipped socket with a pipe on the ratchet, to the forehead. Literally saw stars.
20. More than once. No honorable mention though...
22. Gotta get back to the garage, no time to wash hands.
23. Never actually bought one though, just shopped and dreamed.

[LS short box]

Need to add couple more to the list.

26. Buy a totally disassembled project that owner has lost interest in and wants to sell. Includes all the parts per the seller and once you get it home about 50% are really there.
27. Buy a car with a "lost" title hoping for best at the DMV.

[mongocanfly]

haha...this is a list about the story of my life..
1 yep...brake drum exploded ...went thru ditch and fence out in a cow pasture
2 oh yeah
3 yes/yes...steering wheel came off while driving down road...5 gal bucket for a seat for a couple months
4 yep..all the time
5 absolutely...couldn't afford new battery
6 oh yeah.. backfire thru carb ..blew gas everywhere
7 who hasn't
8 yep...yes to the whole list
9 yep
10 yep...air shocks after I lowered my truck and couldn't haul a sack of groceries without it bottoming out
11 used to be a daily occurrence
12 drove a stripped down truck to sandblasters,,on the drive home my eyes were full of sand,and then in primer for many moons
13 yep
14 no
15 no
16 yep ..first ticket I ever got
17 oh yeah
18 yep
19 yep
20 oh heck yeah
21 yep.. had tool box in cab,,went flying across floorboard and knocked the door open
22 sorta
23 yep
24 yep
25 nope

[1976gmc20]

#1 Does it count if the steering joint broke and you drove off in a field ???

Reason it broke was because the front axle was falling out. And a few hours previous we were driving on a jeep trail on the side of a mountain.

[Palf70Step]

Nice

1. A few times years ago (30+). Never lost a wheel that I can remember, but I helped level out several ditches

2. Did that a lot in Japan. US wise, sold my 97 S10 for an old Ferd pickup.

3. Plenty of Milk crates, even had a vise grip for the gas pedal of my 68 Galaxie 500 for 6 or 8 months.

4. Quite a few, since didn't have a camera back in the old folks days. It was too expensive for the film and development.

5. The truck I drove (56 Mack) was that way. Everywhere you parked on hill. Deliver/pickups folks hated when I cam in cause I couldn't shut it off at the loading docks. It was easy in western PA, not so down here is southern Mississippi. Even did it with an old automatic , Powerglide in my Corvair.

6. Fires from other sources, but don't remember any electrical.

7. Never used them much, even when they were a big thing.

8. YES!

9. Ahhhh, Guilty....still

11. Starters, waterpump, alternator, spindles/balljoints. One winter we did a transmission. Friend came by with a spare and changed it there along the road. Pther than cold and lack of light not too bad as we were out in the sticks,

13. Many times. Last one was on my 64. No loss of facial hair.

17. Cut-off wheel is most common. Twice that I can remember. Not with a tool, but in Japan we were picking up (2 of us by hand) an Isuzu twin cam to put on the back of a flatbe, when I lost my grip on the grease and it caught my wedding band and pulled all the skin into a roll by the finger nail. Ugly and it hurt.

19. Yes, alot.

20. Yes on my 66 impala in the 70's. I should have know something was wrong when the plug tips were melted, but check for spark the old fashion way. Evidently I hit the hood hard (dented it) and woke up in ER. The Accell Super coil was putting out about 50 to 100 times more voltage than it should have. I never hold the plug wire by hand anymore, no matter how much ribbing I get.

21. Had a couple cars with that, especially in Japan.

22. Not an issue, that's what jeans are for if you want to be high class.

23. I can say, not in the US, but did it a lot in Japan.

[jsprengeler]

#26 - removed a supposed near "empty" gas tank, and thereby spilling 10 plus gallons of gas down the driveway and into the street. Wife called the fire department. I was, and still am, the joke of the both the fire department and the neighborhood.

[Wgesnerjr]

Thanks to Keith, Jesse, 70 Stovebolt, LS shortbox, Mongo (ROLL TIDE), 1976GMC20!!
didn't think to explain my list, but went back to #2 and updated.

I feel like I'm talking about old war stories with other veterans!! I needed this after nearly a year of COVID seclusion!

Thanks guys.

[70STOVEBOLT]

I got a story for you. I had a '72 Catalina in HS. The fuel pump quit on it a few blocks from my house, so I walked home and got a gas can with some gas in it. Went back to the car, opened the hood, took off the air cleaner and put it in the trunk, got up on the passenger fender and poured some gas in the carb. I had my GF start it up and as she drove, I poured gas into the carb. Good thing it was only a couple blocks from home, I doubt the local constabulary would be amused at that scene. The 80's were a fun time.

[1976gmc20]

I swapped out a VW engine, and somehow didn't get the generator wire hooked up.

But for some reason we just had to go to town never mind that red light on the dash. So then we couldn't get it to start, and being a VW it wouldn't idle very well either.

So we get to a stop light and of course it dies. I open the door and stand beside it and when the light turns green, I start pushing and then hop in and roll start it. We did that all over town* that day

*Small town, only had a couple lights and bunches of stop signs.

[Wgesnerjr]

One of my best VW stories is that I got a Baja bug when I was 15. In Alabama you got your permit at 15 and your license at 16. So TECHNICALLY, I was not supposed to drive by myself.

Well, parents went out for the day and my best friend/next door neighbor (Paul) and I decided that it would be fun to take the Baja to a new neighborhood they were starting and do some donuts in the fresh cleared dirt.

It was maybe a mile from our houses so we thought, "what could go wrong?" We arrived at the scene and commenced doing donuts for about 10 mins when the throttle cable broke. Panic set in as I did not want to tell my father what I was doing with the car out of the yard, without a licensed driver, especially after being told not to.

Paul and I hatched a plan where he would sit on the bumper cage and work the throttle by hand and I would drive it home. Well; all went well until the engine started to rev up. Paul did not know how to drive a stick and to let up on the throttle to shift. He just kept giving it more gas! I tried waving him down and he smiling thinking I wanted more gas! The revs kept climbing and I didn't know what do so I kept upshifting.

Well, by the time I hit our street, I was in 3rd gear and we were doing about 35mph. Luckily, My driveway was a steep uphill run of about 50 yards. Paul fell off at the bottom of the driveway but I got it all the way up to the top before it rolled to a stop. I found Paul had rolled into his yard before stopping. We were laughing our @$$es off for what must have been 10 mins.

I narrowly escaped my father's wrath and Paul only suffered minor scrapes.

This was not the first time or the last that Paul and I would so something like this!!

[1slo64]

8. My GMC has/had bondo everywhere covering rust. My old mustang had JB weld to keep a shift knob on. I had used fiberglass on a 67 mustangs hood to cover rust holes back in high school.

9. I still have parts from my 67 mustang and brakes for an accord I sold last year.

11. I've replaced a fuel pump and did a carb rebuild in a church parking lot, also replaced the coil on the side of the road.

12. Drove my 67 mustang to the shop about 30 minutes away so I could finally get it painted.

13. I have done it a couple times on the GMC and my old mustang.

19. Nothing like rust falling in your eyes when you are up under the car working on it.

20. Ignition wire and also accidentally put a cable across both battery terminals and burned a couple fingers pulling it off.

22. Just wipe my hand off a little on my jeans or shirt.

[70STOVEBOLT]

I have a VW story as well. My buddy had a '74 Super Beetle (referenced above with the push starts) that we took to a lake one day after school and the blacktop parking lot had just been resurfaced. We did several donuts and then left. We stopped for gas at a nearby station and several police cars pulled in surrounding us. I don't remember the details about what happened next but his father showed up and we ended up getting to leave without being arrested. I think there was some monetary restitution that followed. Apparently we did a bit of damage to the fresh asphalt...