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Old 09-21-2019, 05:13 PM   #1051
richard2717
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Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1976gmc20 View Post

Six hours, how many trees? Did you have to top them with the bucket lift? There's a disabled guy in the neighborhood who every few years hires me (good money!) to directionally fall a few trees around his place. Then he has some buddies from town that come up on a weekend and cut them up. He doesn't trust them to drop the trees
Because of the amount of trees in his yard and the proximity to the house, camper, 3 sheds & pool there was nowhere to drop them full. Total of 12 trees. 3 of them were dead and hanging over the blacktop road. He had a 40 volt battery operated chainsaw that I used on some of them and I was super impressed with it. It allowed me to hold what I was cutting so I could drop it where I needed on some of them. The dead ones always make me nervous so I always stay above them while cutting. You never know what they are going to do once that saw starts vibrating in to them. 5 of the trees were about 90-100' tall. I had to cut them in roughly 10' sections to make sure I was in the clear dropping them. Once I got down to 30-40' range had to switch over to the Husquavarna 346 and 20" bar. Luckily none of the cleanup was on me. After they get it all cleaned up I have to go back with the bobcat & stump grinding attachment to bust down the stumps. Did I mention that I build signs for a living Somehow I get roped into this stuff but it is fun as long as everything goes good.
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Old 09-21-2019, 08:38 PM   #1052
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Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies

So the bucket truck is for your signs!

If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no woman to hear it, is the man still at fault?
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:38 AM   #1053
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:39 AM   #1054
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:39 AM   #1055
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:40 AM   #1056
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:40 AM   #1057
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:41 AM   #1058
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:42 AM   #1059
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:42 AM   #1060
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:43 AM   #1061
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Old 09-22-2019, 07:43 AM   #1062
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Old 09-22-2019, 09:09 PM   #1063
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Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies

Herb always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Herb stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Herb, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Herb yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Herb."
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Old 09-23-2019, 06:40 AM   #1064
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Old 09-23-2019, 06:42 AM   #1065
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Old 09-23-2019, 06:45 AM   #1066
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Old 09-23-2019, 06:45 AM   #1067
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Old 09-23-2019, 11:03 AM   #1068
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Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies

Just for the record, "Sean" is a Gaelic (Irish/Scottish) name.

In Gaelic, the letter S combined with a slender vowel (e or i) is pronounced "sh".

Now you know

Mar sin leat, an drasda!
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Old 09-23-2019, 11:30 AM   #1069
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Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies

How many times have you read a newspaper headline
and found yourself wondering why?

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------


Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
Spotted in a safari park:
(I sure hope so.)
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.
------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD
FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU
HOW TO GET LESSONS.
------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR -
THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room
and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized
that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day..
------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya' think?
------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
----------------------------------------------------------- -
-----------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
----------------------------- ------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works better than a fair trial! -
-------------------------------------------------------- -
----------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya' think?!
------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
------------------------------------------------------------
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?


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Old 09-23-2019, 12:39 PM   #1070
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Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies

Quote:
Originally Posted by davischevy View Post
How many times have you read a newspaper headline
and found yourself wondering why?

Did I read that sign right?

etc

etc
I saw a bumper sticker that said

"SHOW DOGS DON'T TAILGATE"


I was like "...they don't?"

K
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Old 09-23-2019, 07:04 PM   #1071
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Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keith Seymore View Post
I saw a bumper sticker that said

"SHOW DOGS DON'T TAILGATE"


I was like "...they don't?"

K
This one always makes me wonder... Do they really think it's OK for me to tailgate when their "showdog" is NOT IN THE CAR ?

Like their life is not as important as a dogs life!?
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Old 09-24-2019, 06:48 AM   #1072
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Old 09-24-2019, 06:49 AM   #1073
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Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.
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Old 09-24-2019, 06:50 AM   #1074
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Re: Post your keep up with Richard funnies

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Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.
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Old 09-24-2019, 06:51 AM   #1075
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Most women like the strong, silent type… Fortunately for me, my wife prefers the out-of-shape, mouthy type.
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