Do guys mean this, or is it just a thing they say?

[CG]

Ive been catching up on a bunch of threads. One thing Ive noticed more than usual...

My wife let me buy this. My wife gave me the OK. My wife would never let me buy this but so and so convinced her. I asked my wife she said no. I asked my wife she said yes ... I dunno, just seems like a weird thing to say.

To me a married couple is a team, but it sounds like some of the fellas here need to look in someone's purse for some missing anatomy lol!

Our agreement here is I don't spend family money on my "projects" and I don't leave stuff laying out, so the place never takes on the aura of a junk yard lol. Heck, I wouldn't like that either.

And let me get this out of the way because I know its coming. Its better to ask for forgiveness instead of getting permission.

[cypressbog]

Originally Posted by CG

To me a married couple is a team, but it sounds like some of the fellas here need to look in someone's purse for some missing anatomy

Exactly this! But some of these guys better ask permission from the wife to even look for their missing anatomy in their purse, LMAO. Truth be told, I used the "wife won't let me" as an excuse not to buy something I showed interest in, LOL.

[CG]

Originally Posted by cypressbog

Exactly this! But some of these guys better ask permission from the wife to even look for their missing anatomy in their purse, LMAO. Truth be told, I used the "wife won't let me" as an excuse not to buy something I showed interest in, LOL.

OK, this I get ... makes total sense.

[Stocker]

I dunno, Mark. I'm not exactly a spendthrift so my wife has nothing to worry about. If I need / want something, I buy it, she never complains. We've been married 47 years and have always had separate bank accounts. This year when I was getting frustrated with my K20's issues, she told me more than once to buy a new truck if I wanted to. I did not want to.

[old Rusty C10]

The way I see it is this is a second marriage. I came into the marriage with money she did not. In fact her ex had things so screwed up she came into the relationship in debt and with literally a dresser full of clothes. I purchased the home, furnishings and the cars she drives out of my money and it was bought because of the land and shop so I could run my hauling and automotive business out of the house. She has all the bills paid and does not work. I will not listen to *****ing as long as that is the circumstances

[4u2nv]

*****s

[Coley]

Wow....very interesting observation about a weird communication technique that I hear too from time to time.

Let's look at it a different way;

"....My HUSBAND let me buy this. My HUSBAND gave me the OK. My HUSBAND would never let me buy this but so and so convinced him. I asked my HUSBAND he said no. I asked my HUSBAND he said yes..."

Its interesting when you turn this around and reflect it back on women or wives it gives the impression that they are weak or subservient...which is probably why you hear very few wives (hopefully) say this, lol.

Regardless, so long as you are responsibly holding your end up you do not have to assume a subservient position within the marriage....and they tend to prefer it if you do hold your own, to be quite honest.

All good
Coley

[leddzepp]

Originally Posted by cypressbog

Truth be told, I used the "wife won't let me" as an excuse not to buy something I showed interest in, LOL.

Exactly. It’s a polite way to say “I came to my senses and am not buying your overpriced piece of crap”.

[truckster]

When I say my wife bought me something, it's because I think she's been particularly thoughtful. When I say she let me buy something, it's because she agreed to let me exceed our agreed-upon budget.

In the case of the Vortec 5.7 I'm building for my Blazer, I credit my wife because I was just going to stick a used engine in it (I'm cheap) and my wife convinced me to spend the money on a complete rebuild.

To me, having a partnership means that you share everything, and when you make a big decision, you share that as well.

[special-K]

When I was married there was no "let" or "allow" to it. No one stood lord over the other. We both had free will. If we couldn't trust the other to use good judgement then we weren't really in a marriage. Plus, I got with someone who loved me for who I was and what I did. I also always made sure she had some cool old cars. It's not like they weren't something I didn't like driving. When out looking for my collectibles it was just as likely I'd find and bring home things she collected, and vice-versa. We would discuss the bigger purchases, but I could just do it when it came to most stuff and I wasn't required to report everything I bought
EDIT: And we always had separate bank accounts.

I think some really do have a marriage where the wife controls the money. I've seen absolute proof, often with guys who worked for me. It went beyond asking for permission to purchase, the paycheck was handed to the wife and she would allot a daily allowance. I'd have guys cash their check, hold back some before handing it over to the wife, and the wife would call me to raise hell for paying so little for the hours he worked. I could never live under such control.

[In The Ten Ring]

There is a book worth reading called (if I recall correctly) Being a Man in a Woman's World. It's most certainly a "woman's world" now.....

I've seen it both ways: one or the other will be the "decision maker" as they talked about at the car lot where I used to work. I saw that just last month on a rental....clearly the wife was in charge and the wife was rather nutty. I don't see that marriage surviving....I give them less than ten years.

American society does attack the male and in many cases men have become submissive. Low self esteem plays a huge part, as it does in any codependency relationship.

As for me, I have no intention of controlling my mate and I will not stand for a mate to attempt to control me. My current squeeze seems to grasp this, which is a big reason she's the squeeze and maybe the future wife.

Now a lot of guys will say "have to ask my boss" but I think that's more of a joke than anything else.

[CG]

Originally Posted by In The Ten Ring

Now a lot of guys will say "have to ask my boss" but I think that's more of a joke than anything else.

I agree with this, and my guess is when someone says their wife let them do this or that it may also be similar, hopefully lol.

[davischevy]

We've been married 47 years.

We have always had separate checking accounts.

We never ask permission of each other to do anything, but we discuss everything.

We make logical decisions on purchases, and never buy on credit.

There's not much drama around here.

[Stocker]

^^ Dang Larry, are we long lost relatives we never knew about? You just pretty much described Mrs Stocker & me, right down to the 47 years....

[Coley]

Yep...separate accounts here too.

I do agree tho' that any major money decisions should be a marriage discussion...so to speak.
There are also a lot of sneaky guys out there who decide to suddenly drop $2-3K...or $5k (lol) on a new engine or project.
For most families that is a chunk of dough and is certainly discussion worthy in my books....I know I would discuss it with my wife.
Imagine if you found out your wife went out last weekend and dropped $1500 on a few pairs of shoes and a new purse....you, like most would be pixxxedd, as would I, lol.

A good balance rooted in mutual respect and personal responsibility is undoubtedly the way to go I think.....

..and I do agree that in retrospect a lot of time when guys say 'I'll run it by the boss'...its mostly tongue in cheek stuff.......(hopefully, lol)

[davischevy]

Originally Posted by Stocker

^^ Dang Larry, are we long lost relatives we never knew about? You just pretty much described Mrs Stocker & me, right down to the 47 years....

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I support the "Jefferson State".

[Killer Bee]

can't relate..

I bought a K20 burb for $5500 and a K1500 burb for $4500..

Mrs. Bee sent me to paso robles with $20k to buy a better K20 burb that turned out had major issues

and Mrs. Bee told me to go to $25k on this http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...t=bat+suburban

which went waaay beyond that and I was secretly glad, dropping big bucks on anything makes me queezy

Originally Posted by davischevy

We've been married 47 years.

We have always had separate checking accounts.

We never ask permission of each other to do anything, but we discuss everything.

We make logical decisions on purchases, and never buy on credit.

There's not much drama around here.

BINGO Larry! we're a little short on the marriage tenure though

[davischevy]

Originally Posted by Killer Bee

can't relate..


and Mrs. Bee told me to go to $25k on this http://67-72chevytrucks.com/vboard/s...t=bat+suburban

which went waaay beyond that and I was secretly glad, dropping big bucks on anything makes me queezy

I'm glad she cut you off.

On the $40,750 Suburban I mean.

BINGO Larry! we're a little short on the marriage tenure though

You'll get there. As farmers in Lone Jack hopefully.

[Palf70Step]

Originally Posted by CG

Ive been catching up on a bunch of threads. One thing Ive noticed more than usual...

My wife let me buy this. My wife gave me the OK. My wife would never let me buy this but so and so convinced her. I asked my wife she said no. I asked my wife she said yes ... I dunno, just seems like a weird thing to say.

To me a married couple is a team, but it sounds like some of the fellas here need to look in someone's purse for some missing anatomy lol!

Our agreement here is I don't spend family money on my "projects" and I don't leave stuff laying out, so the place never takes on the aura of a junk yard lol. Heck, I wouldn't like that either.

And let me get this out of the way because I know its coming. Its better to ask for forgiveness instead of getting permission.

Agree 100%. I normally do discuss things with my wife before I spend big chunks of money or do crazy things, but she knows I NEVER will take from family or sacrifice them for my toys. But I do just do things at times.

[A1971Blazer]

Nay.....Nay......I own a business...I work hard.....I give my wife a paycheck every week...If I want to spend $ANY amount...I do it....and she doesn't b**ch about it.

I might sometimes discuss it with her but the final decision is always mine......I do let her choose some things like furniture....etc...but I pay for it...

I just bought her new granite kitchen counter tops and..... some new furniture for the den...

She has a nice car and everything else she needs...... and most of what she wants.

[67ChevyRedneck]

Originally Posted by davischevy

We've been married 47 years.

We have always had separate checking accounts.

We never ask permission of each other to do anything, but we discuss everything.

We make logical decisions on purchases, and never buy on credit.

There's not much drama around here.

Back that down to 10 years and that's where we're at. We each have a set of bills we pay, 15% goes into retirement, we each have a decent amount of backup in savings, and we both have access to each other's accounts. It's amazing what you can do/buy without car payments, zero CC debt, and living on the cheaper end for "extras" (like we have cheap android phones with a $20/mo phone plan).

Stuff for the house we always talk about together. As long as everything above is taken care of I buy whatever I want up to about 2K. Above that I might mention "my POS mustang needs a new motor" or whatever. She doesn't ever understand what I'm taking about anyway.

Jena used to make a lot more money than I did for years. This year I've gotten within 10% of her.

[72c20customcamper]

Think most guys here are joking when they say stuff like that. I am for the most part a frugal person so is my girl. I came into this relationship with money and I'm retired. Have been for 10 years. She still works and she loves what she does. Tim (special-k) met her in Carlisle and we were talking about trucks and parts ,my girl said to him " He (meaning me) can get whatever he wants"

I've had two great women in the last 40 years. First one passed 7 years ago.

[special-K]

Yep Mark, I meant to send a follow up message after Carlisle. I intended to compliment you on a great find in a woman. I could tell that in the little time we spent interacting. It's nice to see a good "balance", which is what a relationship is all about... "balance". If it ain't mutual it ain't for me.

[too much stuff]

Originally Posted by cypressbog

Exactly this! But some of these guys better ask permission from the wife to even look for their missing anatomy in their purse, LMAO. Truth be told, I used the "wife won't let me" as an excuse not to buy something I showed interest in, LOL.

Originally Posted by leddzepp

Exactly. It’s a polite way to say “I came to my senses and am not buying your overpriced piece of crap”.

I think this happens a lot. I can't agree with leddzepp 100% on this one. (sorry scott)I think its more about people wanting to be the first in line or saying they had the opportunity to buy something with no intentions of following through. I think that is the main way to back out of a deal for whatever reason. Heck, half of them probably aren't even married...
On a related note, How many people back out of a deal because they didn't realize it costs money to ship something? Its either the wife won't let me or shipping is too much.

[67ChevyRedneck]

^I will admit to having used my wife to not only get out of buying stuff, but also for doing things I didn't want to do.

Like Jena wants me to mow the lawn and get all the leaves up this weekend. In the 10 years we've owned our house she has never once had to ask me to mow the lawn, I love doing it, and chances are I was probably already done with the leaves.

Or, man, I can't make it, the wife is sick, it's a couples thing so I don't want to come alone...

Everyone does it, my friends with kids use their kids as the excuse all the time.