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I managed to be the first caller in to a radio station to answer a simple question and win a prize. I teach math at the local high school, but I'm also pretty knowledgeable, all around.

Host- "Welcome to show! The prize is two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert and a back stage pass to meet him, after!"

Host- "Tell me, what is two plus two?"

Me- Seven.

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That sounds like a reasonable answer. The answer equals the value of the prize....:(

LockDoc

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fraud

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Yep, it's hard to tell them apart! :lol:

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I'll be right back... I'm just going to check something in the garage...

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Thanks for posting ;)

Mine is the Real Deal.

And it is not for sale:ito:

This is NOT a for sale add.:lol:

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a dead ringer I'd say, lol

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hoot

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The other night I was invited out for a night with the “guys.” I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, I told her “MIDNIGHT”… she didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then she said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked her why, she said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh ****” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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That’s pretty good

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With the cost of used trucks nowadays I finally found the one I can afford. Gets better gas mileage too

.

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I knew I should have held out. It happens every time i buy something. I could have gotten this gooseneck setup instead


.

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Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today, I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat" I just say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he knows when he's really in trouble.
Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me.
I want people to know why I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
May you always have:
Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tires with air,
And friends who care.

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...

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Good ones! :lol::lol::lol:

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.
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^ What's it got? Negative calories?

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It's Hydrogen infused:uhmk:

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DiHydrogen Oxide

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Careful, that stuff can rust your pipes. Better to stick with Barley Pop. ;)

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Yup :metal:

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^ My dad re-piped our house back in the '70s. He bought 16 or 20 foot sections of galvanized pipe and tied them to the underside of his '66 Dodge wagon, and drove home carefully, about 5 miles. Wouldn't be able to do that with those big pipes, though.